Cricket and SONA from the guy next door.

One cannot say that we are not spoilt for choice when it comes to TV entertainment, albeit SABC 2, with their semi-qualified commentators and here I refer to both the cricket and Parliamentary quacks.

french letterJohn French (aka the ‘French Letter’ and the guy next door) on Facebook observes – “Firstly, yesterday’s cricket at Supersport Park where the Proteas were taught another few good lessons, one of them is that Klaasen is no substitute for De Kock.

Probably more entertaining was the 110-minute 2019 Sauna of the Nation Address featuring Cyril Ramimposter, wardrobe courtesy Armani, shoes by Gucci, speech by Pottinger and as a supporting act CiC Grommet Malema, overalls courtesy Jonsson Workwear, chronometer by Breitling and speech by Lenin. For the fashionistas we saw the latest ensembles by Irvine Parachutes and handbags by Outdoor Warehouse, the latter specially designed to carry bulk food off the banquet tables. The term “Fat Cats’ springs to mind. They look so good because they eat so good as the old Farmer Brown pay-off line went. Not a vegetarian in sight.

I thought that the music played by the Navy Band was excellent, mellifluous and perhaps a bit on the mischievous side, or perhaps purely by coincidence. Not in order of playlist but we heard the following snippets from famous hits as the respective members made their entrance:

  • You talk too much – Gwede Mantashe.
  • Baby Elephant Walk – ex-Zuma spouse.
  • I can’t Dance – Helen Zille.
  • Wrecking Ball – Julius Malema.
  • Big Bad John – John Steenhuisen.
  • Leeuloop – Mosiuoa Lekota.
  • Cathy’s Clown – Angie Motshekga.
  • Red, Red Wine - Bathabile Dlamini.
  • Doctor, I’m in Trouble – Aaron Motsoaledi.
  • Road to Hell - Gugile Nkwinti.
  • Money, money, money – Tito Mboweni.
  • The Law is for the protection of the People - Mogoeng Mogoeng.
  • This Land is your Land - Andile Mngxitama.
  • Buffalo Soldier – Cyril Ramaphosa.

My sentiments regarding the SONA of today are best summarised by the song at the end of my diatribe.

German cars motorcade – why the penchant for these luxury vehicles – quite a few million there. Supposedly the cost of the SONA was halved from R5m to R2.5 m – KFC are probably sitting with a surplus of their product.

The Guard of Honour performed their task well, just a pity we hardly got a glimpse of the Grippen’s doing their fly past. Note to SABC commentators, it’s a frikking ‘fly past’. A ‘fly-by’ is what you do to a control tower to piss the ATC’s off. Also, Google the difference between Imminent and Eminent asseblief.

I sit here with mixed feelings. By all accounts Cyril delivered a great speech but then again, he and his predecessors have had enough practice in the art of double-speak. We have become accustomed to these Promises to the Nation Addresses.

I would just like to add by farthing’s worth on the promissory sermon:

28 million jobless – 240 000 jobs created p.a. – that means 1168 years to find jobs and we have 700 000 matriculants entering the job market each year. Something askew with the numeracy skills here.

Fast track Land Reform and the word “Restitution” was thrown in for good measure – some serious implications in store for landowners.

Then came the remark – “Target concentrated assets”. That makes the white monopolistic capitalists’ shiver in their boots.

Lower criteria for jobs, in other words experience counts for shit. I shudder to think of the consequences of fast-tracking doctors and pilots.

Recovery of stolen state funds – quite a lot of uncomfortable stirring in certain sections of the gathering.

Possibly the Ace up his sleeve was the announcement regarding the Deep Sea Stavenger Rig operations approximately 180km off the shore of Mossel Bay. This could be a game changer for South Africa he said. The Gulf of Outeniqua – sounds good.

Cyril used the phrase “Watch this space” about 4 times – don’t worry Mr. Pres, the space is being watched by more people than you think.

The close to his address where he quoted from a speech made by Theodore Roosevelt, was good. In essence it says that it matters not that you won or lost, as long as you partook in the game.

No sheep were slaughtered in the run up to the SONA.

To summarise, sorry to say, another list of promises, no doubt with the upcoming elections in mind.

As a parting sideswipe – Jayzee’s absence was conspicuous.

Thanks to my buddy Eugenio Marsicano, I have a tune that best sums it all up.

‘Life is Life’

You can catch up with John on Facebook.

Note from Ed - the SONA evaporates if there are no arrests and jail-time for the corrupted and the corruption brokers.

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